(The New American Apocalypse
I run. I don’t remember for how long. I also don’t remember in what direction…my natural sense of direction is pretty shit. I usually rely on my friends to point out the right way to go or, barring that, I try to use streetsigns to orient myself, but the streetsigns are impossible to read in the new darkness of Manhattan, where the only light comes from a photonegative glow wafting up from patches of alien fungus and spots of darkness so deep it seems infinite. Some of these spots of darkness seem to open up in the middle of the street, where they’ve swallowed everything around them. Miniature black holes? Wounds in reality like the one I saw in the fast food joint? It doesn’t matter. I avoid the hell out of them in any case and just run, run, run…
I know what we’re all thinking: didn’t I have a job to do? Am I not, in small part, responsible for this madness?
Well, yes, technically. But I’ve pointed out many times that courage is not one of my virtues and, having seen what I saw in the fast food joint, I’m in no mood to push my way through the shifting horde of the zed populace in search of even more dangerous enemies. Though the drugs and booze and the support of my friends and loved ones might have given me a temporary boost of the nerves, these things are no match for the soul-splitting horror of this new American terrain.
Ms. Bradbury was right. This is indeed a Lovecraft-scale emergency. And, like most protagonists in H. P.’s old tales, my options seem limited to three choices: (1) flee in terror, (2) lose my mind, or (3) die violently devoured by the darkness around me.
What the hell would you do, if you’re so brave?
Eventually, after so much running that I can barely breathe (I am uncharacteristically fit for a broke writer-type, I’ll have you know), I see a glow in the distance. This is not the black-purple glow of the great darkness hanging over Manhattan, nor is it the neon-halogen glow buzzing like a bee hive around Times Square. No, this is a much more normative, natural glow. Orange and yellow. I heave a sigh of relief–is this a sign of real humanity?
Ah, to be so young and foolish, again.
I approach cautiously. I am ill-prepared for confrontation, I’ve now realized, and the single weapon I’ve brought with me seems increasingly useless. In a world so populated by monsters and possessed by darkness, what the hell am I going to accomplish with a knife? In the darkness of what I’m hoping is not an eternal night, I roll my eyes at the naivete of my past daylight self.
It’s a bonfire.
No, that doesn’t capture it. It’s a blaze. A conflagration. A whirling inferno reeking of burnt plastic and kerosene. It burns evil and throws its sinister light across the fierce faces of the cult that revels around it.
I keep my distance. The stories Anna Bradbury told me make much more sense, now. Now that I see the Cult of M’Ra first-hand. Now that I can behold their barbarism with my own two eyes.
The blaze they’ve lit feeds off of pride parade floats and piles of sex dolls. Used porn magazines provide extra kindling. There are brutalized effigies mixed in at random– the warped features of Ruth Bader Ginsberg transformed by hungry tongues of fire. The smell makes me cringe, makes my eyes water and my face burn.
The cultists themselves are naked. Well, almost naked. They wear masks. (As an aside: have you ever wondered what it is about cultists and masks? Why do these kinds of people always wear facegear? I’m not trying to imply that there’s latent fetishism among all cultists, but it’s certainly a strange kind of trend, isn’t it?) — in the case of the M’Ra cultists, the masks seem to be of anyone male. Well, anyone male that Halloween stores carry masks of…Nixon, Bill Clinton, Elvis Presley, etc…though some people seem to have made their own homemade versions, various masculine figures whose identities are thankfully unknown to me. I recognize a porn star, but I can’t recall his name.
How many of them are there? It’s hard to tell. I’m overwhelmed by so much nudity, so many erections and naked male bodies with the words ‘No Homo’ painted across their chests like team names at a sporting event…
They revel madly. There are songs and more effigies and–are those pinatas? I believe so. A dozen of them, at least, with prominent women’s faces applied over the heads. Anita Sarkeesian? Taylor Swift? Amanda Palmer? Hillary Clinton? bell hooks? — and more, too many more! The cultists beat at the pinatas with massive rubber dildos. Dozens of flopping multi-colored sex toys smash against papier-mache. What’s inside? What waits within these sacrificial effigies? What prize do the cultists seek?
(The irony is also not lost on me that men in Bill Clinton masks are attacking a Hillary Clinton pinata with rubber dildos…but there are more important things to address:)
I am shocked to see that there are women in this cult. It takes me some time to recognize them, due to their accoutrement. They wear the same iconic Halloween masks as the men, but also wear body-suits that mimic pregnancy and, below the stuffed bulge of their false fullness, strap-ons of the most realistic variety. Each of them flagellates herself with…and please, forgive the description…with what I can only think to call a “cat-of-nine-dicks.”
Consider this image, if you will: President Richard Nixon with pendulous breasts hanging over his pregnant belly, his massive veiny cock waving in the air. Nearby, Elvis Presley attacks an Elizabeth Warren pinata with a double-ended neon-pink dildo.
Such a scene of horror no human is meant to behold!
Why? Why had I bothered convincing Ms. Bradbury to leave her fortress? Lightless though it was, at least it was safe shelter. Out here in this madness, who could possibly survive?
I decide to flee before they notice me. This, I think, is not so much cowardice as common sense. A decision I made very early in life not to be beaten to death by sex toy wielding maniacs.
Unfortunately, I fear I paused for too long in surveying the madly reveling cultists before me.
Because when I turn around, I come face-to-face with three Scanners, their camera-lens eyes already focused on me.
“Citizen Hughes, you are under arrest. Please submit to our will before we are forced to make things extremely unpleasant for you.”Share This: